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User blog:Mlp NewTwilight/A Word on Bullying
Hello. :) A little straight talk from the player here. Something that has come up a lot lately is people asking my advice for what to do about being bullied in school. This is a complex topic, and please keep in mind that I'm a cartoon pony on the internet, not a social worker. But this is a topic that hits close to home: I was chronically and sometimes brutally bullied myself IRL when I was growing up, and it's an awful thing to go through. Your friends can't help you; the adults won't help you. At my school, the adults loved the bullies and despised me for "causing trouble" by complaining. It was really bad. In my case, the only thing that made it stop was growing up. Adults, as a rule, don't bully each other– or at least if they do, it's not in the directly violent ways that kids do. Adults can still be mean and miserable to each other and often are, but they don't shove each other into walls on a normal day, because that gets them sent to jail. As an adult, it's also easier to get away from people who are bothering you– you aren't trapped in a school you aren't allowed to leave. If the person is a co-worker, you can get another job. If the person is a neighbor, you can move. The other important factor is that I became a stronger person when I grew up. And bullies, like any other predator, will always target those they perceive to be weak. I don't mean physical strength, although that can be a factor. I mean resolution and the will to fight back. The bullies came after me because I was an easy target. Indoctrinated by my parents into a radical pacifism and something of a martyr complex (that's a whole other rant, don't get me started), I literally would not defend myself, just go limp and let them pound on me and wish they would stop, or wish some responsible adult would come and make them stop. Naturally, neither happened. It wasn't made much better by the fact that if I did fight back, I was always the one who got in trouble... but honestly? It wasn't made any worse either. And after a while, the bullies did start to get the message that attacking me was a quick way to get hurt, and they began to back off. It wasn't a perfect solution by any stretch: I still ended up hurt and in trouble to boot, but at least I was determined instead of just depressed. At some point, somebody will come along and tell you that the bullies "just want attention" or are "just lashing out, but if you understand them you might make a friend" or something along those lines. And honestly those things might be true, but the problem is those things are also from an adult perspective. There are lots of times when people who were terrible bullies as kids realize it as adults, feel very guilty, and try to make amends with the people they wronged, and that's a good thing– but it doesn't help you while the bullying is happening. So, even though parents and teachers may disagree, as someone who was brutalized while growing up my advice to you is to take up a martial art. The style depends on where you are and what's available to you, but it should be something with real-world application. Tai Chi or Aikido, while good for health and serenity, are only so useful when someone is really attacking you. My personal favorite is Shaolin Long Fist Kung Fu, but most varieties of Karate are good, too. If your parents need a reason, tell them you want to develop your physical fitness (because if you really seriously study martial arts for at least two sessions a week, fitness will come of its own accord). Don't learn martial arts so you can "beat people up." That will turn you into exactly the kind of monster you're being chased by now. Learn them to defend yourself. Learn them because they will give you strength of spirit and confidence, and those are like kryptonite to a bully. Learn them to keep yourself safe and well until you reach adulthood, when you'll be able to go and do what you want and leave the bullies behind. It really does get better! Whenever you have the option, be gentle and be kind. But if you are in a situation where you really don't have the option, a position of strength will allow you to do the right thing far better than a position of weakness will. Good luck, and please stay safe. :) Category:Blog posts